Random Access Memories

So, recently Colleen (My father’s wife) commented here on a post I made over a year ago.

Somehow she thinks that she can complain about me being dramatic and negative all the time. What does she think this will accomplish exactly?

Obviously she is under the impression that i’m wrong, she is right, and that her being insulting to me is the way to change my mind.

Furthermore when I called her and asked what else she wanted to bitch about she did not want to talk to me. So the impersonal attitude of posts and emails is just fine to be insulting in but she can’t dare deal with someone on the phone.

But anyway what I really want to say is why I will never trust anything she says ever again. Because of family.

She believed her son, without any doubts over me. End of story.

Her family matters more to her than her husband’s family. Fine, terrific, but it kind of makes her conservative attitude that “family matters” really mean “some family matters”. And that I am not one of the family that matters.

So now we have all-out-war. Why? Because that’s what Colleen wants. Why else dredge up a post from a year ago and make a drama-filled comment on it?

I don’t want to fight with her. Nor do I want to fight with my father, but he never wants to actually talk to me anyway. He just lets Colleen talk for him. I find this a real shame. However my father has also showed me this behavior. He mentioned once that he believed a friend rather than believe me, his own son.

How am I supposed to take that? It’s been made clear to me that they do not value what I have to say if what they hear from anyone else they trust disagrees with it.

So, i’m done trying. They have made it clear there is no point in trying. They do not want to be logical with me, they just want to believe what they want to believe. They want to remind me over and over how I do not live up to their expectations and desires, well, tough shit.

Why do I fight? Because in the end I thought family meant something. And I fought to try to get them to understand that I am my own person and I am allowed to be my own person and that I have the right to be accepoted for that.

But little by little I am reminded that I am not their family.