Random Access Memories

April 18, 2021

Fleeing the battlefield

by @ 7:09 pm. Filed under Expectations, Personal, Politics

Lately I’ve been coming to a realization.

I’m in the middle of a war, with two clearly defined sides.

I didn’t choose to be part of this war, but i’ve been in the middle of it my whole life.

One side considers me the enemy. The cause of all their troubles in the world. I don’t “wear the uniform” or “sing the anthem”, but I’m still clearly labeled.

The other side views me as a traitor. I abandoned the cause. I was weak, didn’t do what they expected of me. I violated a code I never agreed to accept as my own. As such I’m labeled by them as well.

So I find myself walking in “no man’s land” between the two sides.

No “homeland” to return to unless I renounce my reason, no opposing lands to call my own because they refuse to accept me.

I’m tired of fighting.

So incredibly tired.

I just want to take off my armor and be done with it.

My only solution is to run away. Far away… I am finally in a position where I can leave the fighting. I can search for someplace there is no battle raging, no hatred shouting, no gunfire leaving blood on the ground.

Because the alternative has only ever been to lay down on the ground in no-man’s-land, and become one more casualty of the war.

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