Random Access Memories

So, I just got back from grocery shopping at QFC, like most human beings I need food. Yeah, thrilling I know. But today something a bit different happened.

Now, those that know me know that I have little patience for children, and I have even less patience for their parents. I made the horrible mistake of trying to be a nice person and give a kid a compliment on their clothes.

A neon green shirt in particular (BRIGHT frigging green, like painfully bright), with the saying “R is for Rad!” and the second “R” had an atom drawn in the eye of the letter. I noticed it, it made me smile and as the kid wearing it (a girl about 10 years old I guess) walked by I told her “Cool shirt”, to which she replied “Thanks!” in a happy chirp.

Then all hell broke lose.

Now let me interject at this point that I’m 39, wear black and have hair down past my waist. I don’t look like an axe murderer but I don’t look like a lawyer either. I’m guessing that had something to do with what followed.

From behind me I hear “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO MY DAUGHTER!!” in literally a scream. Apparently her mother was watching and lost it.

I knew this was not likely to end well, took a deep breath, turned around, and in the calmest nicest tone I could I said “I told her that her shirt was cool.”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER! AND IF YOU TOUCH HER!”, at this point she was seething with anger, as if she was going to break her own teeth and her eyes were going to pop out of her head.

Thankfully an older lady that was standing next to me when this happened said “He did what he said, he just gave her a compliment.”

At this point I realized that there were a dozen shoppers looking on that had stopped to watch the goings on here. I wanted to say something but caution got the better of me and I turned and walked away. I was surprised the mother had no parting words.

So yes, when people ask if I like kids this is why I avoid them like the fucking plague.